Ok, so maybe my title is a bit extreme...
We took Preston to Harbor Behavioral Center yesterday, to be evaluated by a counselor. I had to take Allison & Mason to my neice's house, because it was just supposed to be David, Preston and myself. (kids didn't have schooll; teacher in-service day).
We got there at 10:30 am and filled out the paperwork, met with billing, etc. About 11:10 am, the counselor (evaluator) finally called us back.
She sat and talked with us for over an hour. Asking questions to both Preston and us. We explained what was going on at school, showed her some of his behavioral charts (with the notes from the teacher on back) and gave her a letter that his teacher wrote to Preston's doctor. We explained the behavior that the school is seeing and how we don't see any of this. We don't see the anger or aggressiveness. Preston doesn't speak to us like he supposedly speaks to his teachers. Preston doesn't hit us or his sister (besides usual sibling arguing) and doesn't hit himself. Preston doesn't run away from us and out the front door. Preston doesn't tell us he hates us or even use the word hate. Preston does not throw things or kick things or turn things over because he is angry. We explained to the counselor that Preston is fine with us, with relatives, at playdates, at birthday parties, at hockey practice and when people are over. We tried to explain to her what his teacher was telling us on how he acts at school; like the exorcist child basically.
Now, at Preston's pre-school, there are two teachers. The main teacher, Ms. Rebecca and the secondary teacher, Mrs. A (Augustyniak). Last week, on Tuesday, Ms. Rebecca decided that Preston was going to stay with Mrs. A all day. He was no longer going to have work time with Ms. Rebecca, and that he would be having more one on one time this way. Wednesday and Thursday, Preston got 6 stars out of 6 stars. This new arrangement seemed to be working. He did have one "smaller" temper tantrum each of these days, but did not throw anything, hit anyone or run away from anyone.
Thursday, Preston had his 5 year check-up and did get 5 shots (including a tetanus shot) so his leg was a little sore on Friday. I gave him some Motrin and sent him off to school, reminding him to be on his best behavior and keep up the good work. I told him that if he got 6 stars again, he could get a new toy. Friday was not such a good day.
This is EXACTLY what the note from Friday said:
"Very rough day. Threw blocks, ran away from Mrs. A in parking lot (about 2-3 times)-pushed children, threw many things, kicked students. Major temper tantrum had to be pulled out of class. Sat on tables. Lost outside time."
Yes, this is a bad report...maybe one of the worst yet. I couldn't believe it when I read it. I asked him what happened when we got home on Friday. He swore that he didn't run into the parking lot. He was crying and sobbing and said "Mrs. A was reading a book to us outside. I didn't want to listen anymore, so I ran to the door and tried to get back in school, but it was locked". I asked him numerous times about this behavior and tried to explain how dangerous it was to run into the parking lot. He still swore that he didn't do it, while crying...I had a hard time believing that he was lying to me. He did admit to pushing Ethan (his best friend; they wrestle and rough-house constantly, and are separated most of the time). He did admit to throwing blocks, but couldn't explain why.
Friday, while we were outside, the principal called and left a message. She wanted to discuss Preston's behavior at school this day. She said she would call back later. By this time, I had already scheduled the evaluation at Harbor, but hadn't had a chance to advise the school.
So, now we're back to Monday. The counselor read Ms. Rebecca's letter and said "She sounds condenscending". We agreed. Then said, "She's also very worried about his potty-training". We agreed again, stating that there are not really any potty issues at school anymore, just when his behavior gets really bad...he might poop in his pants, but it hasn't happened very often lately. Anyhow, like I said, the more we talked, the more I realized that the problem is Ms. Rebecca. Like, in January, when Preston was touching another students food at lunch. He was then sent to a separate table and forced to sit by himself for the entire month of January. The counselor was shocked. Or how in the morning, Ms. Rebecca doesn't say "Hi Preston, how are you?", instead she says "Hi Preston, are we going to be better today?". Basically, she has labled him as the bad kid. She's pegs him every morning and doesn't even give the kid a chance to get into class and start anew. She's setting the tone for his behavior (not to mention that she talks to everyone like they're 3 - even parents). Lately, she's even blaming Preston for other childrens' bad behavior at school. She told my good friend, Christina, that her son was bad one day. She said "Well, we have another student who has been doing this and Jett must be seeing this behavior". Of course Christina was going to tell me...not to mention that Jett was running into the parking lot before Preston ever did it and Jett has been saying "I hate you" way before Preston ever started. Preston told the counselor he wanted to go to kindergarten; the kindergarten teacher says hi to him and shakes his hand...see, treat him with a little respect and you may get some in return! He also told the counselor that pre-school is boring and he doesn't like Ms. Rebecca; she's mean.
The counselor recommended counseling for Preston..more to see how much of it was him and how much was the school environment. She agreed that if did have some disorder we would be seeing it elsewhere than just at school.
Let me say that Preston is NOT an angel. He does give us an attitude sometimes when we tell him it's time to clean up or time to go to bed. He'll do what we say, but may say "I'm mad at you" and cross his arms, and stomp up the stairs, but usually forgets by the time we get to brushing his teeth. He will hit Allison if they are arguing over a toy or she's trying to boss him around. Most of the time, she instigates the whole thing, and might push him, so he hits her...but again, that's sibling stuff; I did worse with my little brother back in the day.
So, we go get Allison & Mason from my neice's house. I get there, and Kelly is rocking Mason...said "He kept crying unless I stood up and rocked him". He only ate 1 ounce of his bottle for her, and it had been almost 3 1/2 hours since I'd fed him. She handed him over to me, and he looked up at me and gave me the biggest (cutest) smile I'd ever seen on him. That melted my heart...and little did I know, it was the best part of my day.
I get the kids home; make Preston lunch (Allison had eaten at Kelly's) and feed Mason. I called a friend from work to tell her what happened and then the other line rang; it was the school. I answered the line and it was the principal, Mrs. Lane. She wanted to discuss Preston's behavior from Friday. She said that she knew I got a note stating what happened, like throwing the lego table and chairs. Now, if you go back up and read what I typed, which is exactly what the note said, it said nothing about throwing tables and chairs. It said blocks and "many things". If Preston were throwing tables and chairs, the note should have said tables and chairs. That is a bigger issue than "many things". I told Mrs. Lane what my note said and also addressed the issue that Preston swears he didn't run into the parking lot. She said Mrs. A gave her another story, she said he was running by the church. So, right there, there are 3 different versions of what actually happened. Mrs. Lane proceeded that it is her responsibility to keep all the children safe, Preston included. With his behavior and actions, she doesn't believe that it is safe for anyone if Preston continue to come to their school. I told her that I agreed that she has to watch out for everyone's safety. I would be very upset if it were my son on the recieving end of the throwing/hitting/kicking. I told her about our visit with the counselor and what she said about Ms. Rebecca and also that Preston would be meeting with a counselor there in 2 weeks. Mrs Lane said that once he gets some counseling and the couselor either finds a way for the school to deal with him, or what they are doing wrong and the counselor says its safe for Preston to return, then he is welcome back. I told her that Preston wouldn't be back. We truly believe it is Ms. Rebecca and that we have been looking for somewhere else to send him. We didn't want him in that environment anymore. I asked Mrs. Lane, though, what was going on at the school that there are 3 different boys running out into the parking lot on different occassions. Why don't they have any control of these students? I asked Mrs. Lane why it was ok for Ms. Rebecca to treat Preston differently; she has for 2 years and pretty much made it clear that she didn't want him in her class anymore (at our meeting two weeks ago). Mrs. Lane didn't know how to respond. I told her I knew for a fact that there are 2 other boys acting very similar; I talk to both their moms on regular basis. I wanted to know why the kids are acting like this; what's going on at school. Again, she didn't have anything to say...just said to keep in touch and keep her updated on Prestons situation; yeah right.
Now, he goes to his counselor in two weeks. By then, he's going to have been out of school for 2 weeks, without this behavior, without the environment...what the heck is the counselor going to do for him? But, I am still taking him because I want to prove that it is not my son; it is the teacher. I spoke to both the other moms last night and they were shocked. No one could believe the way things happened. The school didn't even give us a chance to try to get the situation figured out or corrected. They just brought his problems & issues to our attention two weeks ago. We told them we would bring it up to the pediatrician at his already scheduled appointment a week later. Ms. Rebecca knew when the appointment was because the morning of the appointment, she gave me her letter to the doctor. That was Thursday. The pediatrician suggested we have him evaluated and gave me the number for Harbor. On Friday, I scheduled the evaluation for Monday, the very next business day. I couldn't have done things any quicker. It's not like we were being lazy parents and ignoring the situation, we were doing our best to get the issue addressed as soon as we could. I called Harbor after I spoke to Mrs. Lane yesterday to tell them that the school basically kicked him out until after he meets with the counselor and they were shocked....he had JUST been evaluated.
My God...really?? This is a Catholic school; we are supposed to be Christians; and they are not even willing to work with me? In their defense, this is a great school, and the parents involved are great...when your kid doesn't have an issue. Allison is thriving and loves school. I have loved both of her teachers since kindergarten. I just can't stand the pre-school teacher or the environment, and they treat the pre-school separately than the actual elementary school.
Ok, so I have lots of thoughts about this going through my head. I am going to write a letter to the principal today and address the issues of the different stories between my daily notes and what she's hearing. I think Ms. Rebecca is embellishing her stories to Mrs. Lane because she doesn't want Preston in her class anymore. I am also going to explain my disappointment in the way they treated this situation; didn't even give us a chance while we were diligently doing what we could to get things corrected, etc. I'll let you know where that gets me.
One final note, last night was Preston's first soccer practice. We decided to keep him in soccer because he's been punished enough, and I already paid for it. Plus, this will keep him in contact with his friends and classmates. So, we get to soccer, and guess who's there??? Ms. Rebecca..her daughter is on Preston's team this year. GREAT! I'm sure, before the end of the season, my husband will get into with her; he has a pretty bad temper and is very verbal when he doesn't like someone.
I'm going to go work on my letter when my thoughts are still fresh.
Tomorrow's post will be on my mother...which her phone call during all of this yesterday intensified my stress. Stay tuned....
Mason, smiling at the ceiling fan
