Unnerved

I'm having a hard time today because today is day one for Mason to be at the new baby sitter's house.

Yes, she was supposed to start last week, but daughter #2 got sick and ended up getting daughter #1 sick as well. Turns out, they both had strep throat. Boy, we sure dodged that bullet...thank goodness I followed my mommy instincts and didn't send them at all last week.

Last Sunday when I stopped over at Amie's house to drop off diapers, wipes, extra clothes, etc., I was able to sit and talk to Amie for about 15-20 minutes more and it reassured me that Mason was going to be ok. Not that I don't trust her at all or have a bad feeling, I just want to get to know her as much as possible, because, let's face it, she's going to be "raising" my baby during the week....I know Preston will be fine...and Allison, too, once she's out of school. I am just not liking the idea of leaving my baby with anyone but family yet; even though both Allison and Preston were at sitters at 8 weeks on.

This time is harder. I'm older, I'm wiser and I'm well aware of how fast kids grow up. I just want my kids to be safe and healthy and happy. I know they will be, I just don't want to be a working mom anymore. Darn it.

Also, Mason is going through something right now where he's not too happy when anyone other than David or I are holding him. Anyone, even my niece who's watched him since he was 8 weeks old. I thought it was too early for this, but read in his 13 week update that this is the time they start acting like that and may cry when mom leaves the room. I never went through this with Allison or Preston, again, since they were at a sitters since 8 weeks. I just can't fathom the idea of him sitting at Amie's, crying all day because he doesn't know her and I'm not there.

So, back to my reason for my post...I miss my kids today, badly. I guess spending 3 days in a row with them just felt natural and normal. We had a great weekend; went to the campground on Sunday (that's another post, with pictures) and just spend Monday, Memorial Day, doing absolutely nothing important. But, Allison and Preston played beautifully together all weekend, no fighting...just playing, outside...it was so nice. And, I got to cuddle with Mason an extra full day.

It's 12:15 and I've already checked in with the sitter once today...Preston was playing and Mason was sleeping; taking his long morning nap. So, I'm not missing much, but just being around in case they need me...that's what I need today.

There are so many women out there who are stay at home moms and they have sick children, or have recently lost a child or baby...and here I am, having three beautiful, healthy, living children and I'm working all day, not being with them. I guess this just means that the time I do spend with them needs to be more fulfilling and more important.

Anyhow, everyone is well and obviously happy...I am just having a hard time sitting at this desk today, working...and not being with my kids.

I know Mason will be fine at the baby sitter's house..I just hope she loves him as much as I do. But, I hope not too much, because after all, I am his mommy...and I love this job.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.