Sad Monday

So, I am officially a working mother of 3. Yes, that's right, I went back to work today, after only 6 weeks with my newborn. Why is it that other countries get like 3 or 4 months of paid maternity leave and Americans only get 6 weeks?

Anyhow, it was a tough day.

I didn't do much all weekend but hold Mason and sit around with him. I even contemplated telling Donna, my midwife, that I was depressed at my 6 week check-up...thinking she may write me off work a bit longer. But I didn't.

They were calling for snow last night, so I prayed that that it would snow so much that the whole city would shut down and I wouldn't have to leave him home today. But, it didn't.

Luckily, or not so, David didn't work today, so he stayed home with Mason. Mason was great for him, happy and he slept quite a bit. He only took 2 bottles, in 9 hours, he only ate 5 1/2 ounces. I was happy that he was ready to eat when I got home, so I was able to scoop him up and nurse him.

Work was ok. I was very emotional all morning. I cried when I left the house but was ok when I dropped Allison off at school. When I got to work, I didn't talk to many people. Those who stopped over at my desk to say hi got tears and "I don't want to talk about it". But, I was ok once 11 o'clock or so came around. At least I didn't burst into tears when people said "hi" anymore. HA! I know it will get easier each day.

So, I made it through the day. Came home, nursed Mason, ate dinner, and got Allison ready for tap-dancing. Took all three kids to dance so David could go bid on another job. Once I got home with the kids, I was finally able to sit down, but Mason has been cranky and actually throwing up quite a bit. He doesn't have a fever, but just doesn't seem himself. I gave him a bath because he was really covered in his own vomit. I tried to hold him and comfort him, but he didn't want any of that. I handed Mason over to David so I could tuck in Allison and Preston and he fell asleep in David's arms. That broke my heart...like he was mad at me for leaving him all day. I know deep down that's not the case, and the reality is he probably didn't even know I wasn't around all day...but I am still sad. I think most of it is exhaustion...I have bags under my eyes today. I didn't sleep well last night because I was anxious to go back to work, so I'm just tired.

Allison's soccer game got cancelled for tomorrow night, and I'm sure Preston's will as well...I'm hoping so. However, I still have a PTO meeting tomorrow night at school, and I don't miss those. So, tomorrow will be more of the same. The worst part is, though, that David is working tomorrow, so my niece, who is 20, will be watching the boys. I am anxious about that...I don't remember leaving Allison and Preston with her when they were so young but she says I did. She watches other people's kids and infants, and I trust her to call either myself or her mother if there is a problem, I'm just sad that we have to leave our 6 week old with someone other than one of his parents. The only thing getting me through this week is that I know I have all of next week off; spring break, yay! I will be home all week with all 3 kids, so I don't have to get up at any certain time because none of us have anywhere to be before 1 pm at all next week. I am so looking forward to just relaxing and doing whatever it is we want.

So, that's it...long boring post about me whining about work. I'm fortunate enough to have a reliable job and two people did my job while I was gone, so that makes me feel really good....that I am needed.

I am trying to be thankful for what I do have...and know there are many people out there with sick children or no children at all because they have recently lost a baby..so I am staying positive and thinking of them when I am feeling down, because after all, I am very lucky for what I do have.

Have a great night, and kiss the ones you love an extra kiss tonight.

Michele